What Am I Doing Here?

Theory No.:025 - Sometimes life forces you into a strong pivot, be wise, and just go with it. 

Last Wednesday I celebrated my 45th birthday, nothing fancy this year. As a matter of fact, I laid in bed all day recovering from a major migraine. I'm just thankful that a migraine was all that it was.

Nevertheless, I managed to reflect on the last 5 years and all that's happened in my life since joining the 40-club. Found myself in the most ah-mazing relationship ever after experiencing a tough divorce, got engaged, moved to Indiana and back to Texas, landed the job/title that I jotted down in my journal a few years ago, got a professional certification, and a lot more.

While I'm so proud that I reached most of my goals there's one that I haven't poured myself into... Polkadot Theory.

When I created this blog, there was only one intention: to have a place to reignite my creativity. A place where I can express my true feelings about coming into my "mid-life" self, the bumpy road to getting here and to share the things that are close to my heart.

So when I log onto the site and see the few posts that I rushed to put together or the post of me "trying" to be a blogger, I gag. The truth of the matter is that I tossed this blog aside not truly seeing the value of what this space brings. I'd fallen victim to the who do I think I am, I'm not like this one or that one. You know the "imposter syndrome" and the "comparison game".

So I asked myself, WTF am I doing here? Can go back to the original concept and create the space in which I feel most comfortable and stop trying to be a "blogger" and just be? My desire to blog has not decreased by one bit, nor has my thoughts stopped flowing?

Well, I guess I've just answered my own question. I can do this, most importantly, I WANT to do this. But just like everything else I tend to go after, it's going to have to be my way.

So here we go yet again, life dishing me a strong pivot. Giving me permission to get back to the basics. I see this as a birthday gift, going into my 45th year being free to dive into my creative space with no fear. 

Dress: Universal Thread - Belt: A New Day - Earrings: SugarFix - All Items from Target